God is Bigger Than July

This month has been hard.  I am beginning to feel weak and unable.  I guess that's the truth though, isn't it?  I am weak and unable, and that's what's so great about Christ, He's my strength, He's is able.

...multiple deaths, some of which may very well have the result of eternal suffering

...fear

...feelings of not being understood

...feelings of being taken advantage of

...people stealing, more than once

...break ins

...the world.  This troublesome world that has me struggling to survive.

Ahh but His promises, John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

My God is bigger, He is bigger than July, He is bigger than this world.  I begged Him to restore this month, to make it new, but then He spoke softly, "I'm much bigger."

He didn't come to restore July or my life alone.  He came to restore once and for all each one of His children, not for July, but for eternity.

This past month I have been broken again and again and I praise my God that He is the One breaking me and He isn't doing it to hurt me but to grow me and to prepare me so I will one day be more ready than I am now for the work He has set before me since before the foundation of the universe.  And not only is He breaking me, but He's picking up my pieces and making me into His beautiful creation and by His grace, I am beginning to see that creation, and I am loving that creation.
 

















Hakuna Matata

I Call to You [Part 2]

The main thought I had in my mind last night never came out when I wrote my post, but I decided to role with it and now I think I'll continue on...

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?"  Luke 6:46

When reading this verse last night, I was brought back to earlier verses in Luke chapter 6.  Verses that made me cry, "Woe is me," and desire for this life of pleasing flesh to die a death that will never return. 

Luke 6:27-36
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who abuse you.  To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.  Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods, do not demand them back.  And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. 
If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Wow.  Major fail on my part for sure.  Thank the Lord for His grace.  Why would I ever think it's okay to cry out to my God like I meant it, and then go back just a few verses and actually confess a heart of falsehood before Him, all the while thinking nothing is wrong with that pattern of living?  That's not living in the slightest!  That's being dead, dead to Christ.  Totally opposing what the Bible tells us all over the place.  Galatians 2:10, "now that I'm dead, I am alive (in Christ)."

Even starting in verse 27 where it says to "love your enemies,"  am I even doing that?  I guess I always thought I didn't have that much of a difficult time with loving my enemies, for one reason I never have found myself to have very many enemies in the first place, and for two, thinking upon it a little deeper, it's probably because I never even think about my enemies because when I do I become bitter and angry, showing my heart of flesh instead of the new heart given by Christ, a heart that can be cultivated into seeing others, even my so called "enemies" the way that Christ sees them...as His children whom He longs for a relationship with.

Thinking about it and reading on even more, I have so much to work on.  Thankfully that is why Christ came, He came to redeem me so that glory may be given to it's rightful Owner.  In Him strength can be found to love my enemies with a true heart, pray for my abusers as I pray for those closest to me, be thankful for all He has given me and ready to give it away in an instant without a grudging heart.  I want to love.  I want to love with His chesed (heh' said) love, the same love that captured my heart, a love so true it never turns, it is committed in all circumstances, this love will never leave and is willing to forgive even the darkest of sin.  I want that.  I have received God's chesed love as a free gift in my life, it would only be selfish and childish to horde that love He so freely gave to me.  If I am loving with anything less than my whole being, what is my worth? 1 Corinthians 13


Hakuna Matata

I Call to You

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?" Luke 6:46

Such a reasonable question to ask.  Why do we call on Him but in turn are so distant when it comes to following Him?  Why do I cry out and then become picky when it comes to His answers?  Is He not the Creator of the universe and all that it holds?  Is He not full of wisdom, power and love?  Did He not defeat death?  Then why are we being an apprehensive people who proclaim His truths and yet fail to trust?

As I was reading through Luke chapter 6 tonight I stopped at the above verse and had no answer.  At least, no good answer.  Why do we call upon Him and not follow Him?...is it because we're scared He might not come through, that we'll end up hurt, or that His way really isn't the best decision?  I know that personally in my life I have called out to God, and then doubted what I knew He was telling me.  "Are you sure me going to India is what You want right now?  I just got back from Kenya...I haven't even been to college yet.  Nobody will ever support an uneducated, little girl who just continues to pick up and leave because she 'trusts this is what God is telling her to do'."  But the truth in me traveling to India was He did tell me to go and He did use me and He taught me things I continue to learn from, things I will never forget.  If I would have only cried out to Him for direction and then turned away when hearing His voice tell me India, I would not have experienced the things He intended, I would not have grown (and continue to grow) in the ways He intended.  He has and is continuing to do great things because of my time in India and as I look back I am thankful I rejected my fleshly spirit of timidity and instead took on His overwhelming spirit of love, power, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).

My God is strong, my God is wisdom, my God is love.  Why would I choose to not follow as He leads?


Hakuna Matata

Such a Love is This

Talking about Jesus,
Luke 5:16 - "But he would withdraw to desolate places to pray."

Beautiful




Hakuna Matata

[Be] Let Down

I have been disappointed by multiple people lately.  Why does this surprise me?  It really shouldn't.  The only expectation of man that I should have is to be let down.  If from time to time I am not let down, then great, but really, man is full of sin, we have a sin nature we cannot escape, so why should I expect man to preform perfectly?  I am not at all saying the fact that we are sinners gives us the freedom to go on sinning without even trying to change (Romans 6:1&2) but we need to realize that the only One who will not let us down, who will never leave us nor forsake us is Christ (Hebrew 13:5), and in Him and Him alone we can put our whole selves without fear of being let down.  This really is not new information for me, but maybe I really never thought upon it that much before.  I knew it, so I left it at that without going deeper.  But really, what a wonderful truth to rest upon, something great to be reminded of.  I can complain all I want about people not being there for me but that was never a promise God gave us in the Bible.  I think with being conscious of others not being perfect it will help with my attitude when others don't act as I expect them to.  And really, I mess up all the time and yet God still loves me.  What have I done to earn His love, forgiveness and grace?  Absolutely nothing.  So why do I expect others to earn my love, forgiveness and grace?  That is not right one bit and I thank my Father in Heaven for making this truth visible for me to see. 

Pampered or Prepared

Hugging my mom tight I was surprised with what I felt, tears, not too many, but enough to wipe away, enough to notice. My stomach was upset, I at least knew that would happen, but leaving for India was exciting for me. After finding my seat and preparing for the next 16 hours in the air, I was pleased with the traditional, non-English speaking Indian sitting next to me. After an hour, I was relieved he got up to move seats. He wasn't the issue though, it was the battle inside me. It was my head freaking out, asking myself, “What on earth am I doing traveling to India with a return ticket not returning until next year?” It was my heart reminding myself I knew exactly what I was doing, I was following God. Sixteen hours of an internal battle, sixteen hours praying to God. I faced reality, I was scared. I found myself praying a lot about going through customs, knowing that I only had an American phone number to offer, no address, and a ten year tourist visa got my mind thinking they might not let me in so easily. Once again, though, I found God to be good, with the man working customs not saying one word to me, not even “Hello.” I was praising God with every step I took, until I continued to trace my steps back and forth only to find the same Indian people trying to communicate something to me I was not understanding. “Just act cool,” I told myself, I was good at acting like I knew what I was doing, that is until I found myself outside the airport in New Delhi at ten o'clock at night with crowds nowhere to be seen. There were about four Indian men and a few taxi drivers, all a good distance away from each other just staring at me, watching my next move. How was I suppose act like I knew what I was doing when there were no crowds to hide my uncertainties from my distance stalkers? Easy answer, there was no way.

All through Biblical History, God has used both negative and positive circumstances to grow His people and prepare them for future service.

Joshua was no exception to this process. God used three very important events in His life to prepare him to lead His people Israel. I was to share with you how God used these events to prepare Joshua for what he had prepared for him.

1. Joshua battled with Amalek (Exodus 17:8-16)
   a. Joshua chose the men (vs. 9)
   b. God allowed victory when the hands of Moses were raised (vs. 11)
2. Joshua accompanied Moses to get the Law (Ex. 32:17
   a. The kept him pure from the golden calf
3. Joshua spied out the Promised Land (Numbers 13, 14)
   a. Joshua and Caleb tore their clothes believing God to triumph (Num 14:6)

The sovereign hand of Almighty God was obvious in the life of Joshua. He allowed difficult and trying circumstances that were preparing him to confront the rigors of spiritual leadership. By the next morning I had made it into down town New Delhi, a trip I was not planning on taking, and was now at another port of the airport ready for yet another departure. Looking back, I surely see how delicately God's hand protected me as I went from someone who rarely cries to a lost little girl desperately calling on her Father for help and guidance.

This experience alone has allowed me to surrender some of my tough layers I never knew I was hiding beneath. It has allowed me to see God as my Father in a way I never saw Him before, a daddy holding the hand of his baby girl, only allowing her to go where He leads. At times He leads us into deserts, other times on top of mountains. Whatever the situation He has taught me to remember that He is always God and He is always good. I can see how the trip to India alone was a big preparation for my time spent in India when I would be put in leadership positions I was not expecting. He tests us time and time again to check our hearts and to benefit us. If we were never broken, we would never experience the healing process. And in our brokenness it is key to remember that no trial is deeper than His love that comforts all our sorrows. 

Hakuna Matata 

I Love Your Love

This song has been in my head, on my lips, and in my heart since last night.  The words are so true and so calming to my soul.  If you go here you should be able to listen to "I Love Your Love" by Enter the Worship Circle by clicking play.  It may take a minute but something should pop up at the bottom and start playing.  Don't click away too fast, the first 5 or so seconds are of faint voices talking in the background...that's part of the song.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have been =)

Here are the lyrics!

I've been searching and finding,

There's nothing but searching,

Searching for something to fill.

In all of my finding,

Finding the someone,

Who loves me to sit and be still.

It's in You,

It's in You.

(repeat)

I'm in love with a Savior,

Who saves me to love me,

Loves me to stay by His side.

I love to sing all the songs of His goodness,

I'll sing them the rest of my life.

It's in You,

It's in You.

(repeat)

I love how You know me,

I love how You hold me,

I love how You set me free.

I love your love,

I love your love.

I love your love,

I love your love.

(repeat)

 Hakuna Matata

A Promise to Last a Lifetime

A couple weeks ago we started class on Genesis here at NTBI and I can hardly believe how much I have gotten out of it.  I knew it held a lot, but I never knew just how deep one could go.  It's unbelievable.

We talked a lot about the unconditional covenant between God and Abram (later to become Abraham) which states that God will bless Abram, his family, generations to come, and so on.  So what exactly is an unconditional covenant?  Typically in the Old Testament when a covenant was made the sacrificial animals would be cut in two and the people making the covenant would pass in between almost as in saying, "If I do not keep this covenant my blood will be shed like that of these animals."  Well in chapter 15 of Genesis we see no evidence of Abram passing through but rather God portrayed himself as a smoking firepot with a blazing torch being the one who passed through...the only one according to the text.  This means that the covenant does not rest of Abram and his faithfulness or lack of, but it rests on God and God alone.  He is the only one to passed though the covenant, and He is the only one responsible for keeping His promise.  Of course He wants Abram to trust in Him and be faithful, but in the end God pledges to still be faithful whether that is the case or not.

I was thinking about this the other day when I found out my friend here at NTBI (Ally) and I may soon be working at the same job (still praying!).  I remember just thinking how good God is to me.  There's no reason for Him to be good to me.  He doesn't owe me anything, I don't deserve anything, and yet there He is, day after day, being faithful and kind beyond reason.  What a great Father I have.  I am blessed.  This also reminded me of when I was in India and I realized that my dearest friend Katie and I would be starting NTBI in the same semester, something I never expected, I never even thought I would end up here at all and then to be in the same class even!  How unnecessarily kind of God?  After thinking these things through and asking why I realized that it's because of His unconditional covenant with us that is everlasting, it's still going today, He is still blessing me through His promise to Abraham.  How amazing.

Thank you Jesus for being eternal and kind.  I love you and dream of understanding your heart and yourself more each day.

Hakuna Matata

FYI

I am still alive!! =)

It's been a fair amount of time since being back from India and I thought I'd stop by and let ya'll know that I am still alive.

Right quick like let me show some more pictures from good ol' India.

 

 Waiting at the bus stop...quite the traditional look =)

 A pretty flower in my hair from one of the girls =)

 Here's my shower, my sink, and my toilet...guess which one's which.

 Another traditional man waiting for the train

 Henna I did that took me THREE HOURS STRAIGHT!

 Just drivin' down the street

 Love him =)

And this my friend was a special meal...yes, we ate with our hands!

Love it.

Hakuna Matata