I Am Tired

Things have been hard lately, I'll be honest.  I am not sure I ever mentioned that this month (all of November) the main teacher is taking her holiday leave and I am stepping up as the teacher.  At first I was like, "What the heck are you doing?"  Then I was a little more okay with it, thankful that I had taken a teacher training course my senior year of high school and taught at numerous schools in Kenya.  Then the night before I felt physically sick and cried as I feel asleep.  Did I forget to mention that I am not the biggest fan of teaching?  Well then, let that be noted. =)

The first week actually went pretty well other than the fact that I was spread real thin...trying to run a school, business, and baby sit at the same time is quite the challenge.  But I made it only because Jesus was being the strength I needed.

I thought for sure that while the volunteers were here this second week it would give me a break and I could relax a little...but I was wrong.  The team is great, helping out so so much, I am just loving it.  But for some reason I am feeling more stressed and crying more tears with each passing day.  I have felt cut down, belittled, and have been told I don't seem to relate well with the girls (all from someone I have only seen a handful of times).  I keep telling Jesus I can't do it, and then I thank Him for not expecting me to, but for doing it through me.

I don't want this to be a complainy post, but I want to share my heart a little and not just pretend everything is 100% great all the time here.  Also, I know that great things can happen through prayer and it's always great to know what to pray for more specifically.

I remember talking to another missionary a little while ago about blogging.  We both said how it's kind of funny/annoying when we post stuff about the real life being upsetting or whatever because it's not 100% of the time that we feel that way, but the people reading it tend to think that's the case.  I want you to know that it is not the case here.  Jesus has blessed me in many many ways here.  Although I have felt put down this week, the volunteers have been more than wonderful at lifting me up and encouraging me onward, as well as some of the staff and some other long term volunteers.  And I have had such a blast hanging out with the volunteers this week!  It has been some great, "get away," time.  So again, I may be having a rough night and hit some tough times today, but that hasn't been the case all day so no need to get your panties all in a bunch on my behalf. =)

All this to say, I am thankful (day 10) for the promises given by Jesus.  Promises stating that He has overcome the world (John 16:33), He is with me always (Matthew 28:20), He looks at my heart (1 Samuel 16:7), and so much more.  Thank you, Jesus.  Continue to remind me!