Hope When I Feel None

Faith.

Hope.

Love.

"...but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

We often hear a lot about love...which is understandable and wonderful.

"...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed..." Luke 17:6
Another subject often brought up, faith.  Again, faith is something that should be brought up.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." Hebrews 6:19

Hope...ahh hope, why are my ears so unfamiliar with your sound?

The past few days God has really been pressing hope on my heart.  It started Saturday night when I was feeling empty, broken, useless...hopeless.  I decided to go to bed and listen to some music to maybe give me some comfort (through Jesus of course).  Well I tell you God wanted me to listen to that music too.  I listened to a song ("How Great" by Enter the Worship Circle) that I had heard many times before, and yet for some reason, I never really listened to it until that night.  The words hit me, "Hope is not beyond the dust of Your feet, hope is not beyond the tears that You bleed, hope is not beyond the fold of Your robe..."  The point was made, hope is not beyond my God.  I felt hopeless, but that is a feeling, I cannot trust a feeling, but I can trust my God.  It gave me comfort even though I still felt a sadness.  

The next day I went to church here in Ooty and the sermon was ALL about hope (by the way, I love Jesus...He didn't have to do that for me, but He did out of His kindness).  

[Hope in Greek] 

ἐλπίς 

"elpis"

pronunciation:  el / pece'

definition:  

1. Anticipate with pleasure. 

2. Expectation that God and good are coming.

Hope is something that allows us to not give up or quit.  I will admit that being here now for three weeks in India, I am feeling a little useless and disappointed in some areas.  It's really easy to want to give up (or to give up).  It's easy to say how pointless what I am doing is.  It's easy to look at the negative.  But hope gives a different light, God's giving me a different light.  He's telling me to look up and to expect good to happen.  He wants me to anticipate with pleasure because He has wonderful things for me and they're going to be even more wonderful if I wait with a servants heart and a God pleasing attitude...even when I don't feel like it.  He tells me (us) in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plans are not to harm us but to give us a HOPE and a future.  If He has promised to give me a hope and a future, then I will wait with hope for my future, and I will serve with hope right now.

Love motivates.

Hope expects.

Faith acts.

Love, hope, and faith are all so very important and they all go together.  My prayer for my life in this time is that God will show me how to love others with His heart, being motivated to love and care even more.  My prayer is that I will have faith enough to act upon what God has set in front of me...or even acting on something I may have to search for a little.  My prayer is that I will have a hope that waits and expects in gladness for my God to show up and show off.  A hope that may not necessarily be coming from happiness, but that is stirring up joy.

Hakuna Matata

Too Easily Pleased

The other week I decided to take Alaina out for lunch after picking her up from school. Whenever we ask her where she wants to go out to eat she tells us McDonald's. Usually we end up going somewhere else, leaving her quite sad and maybe a little pouty for a moment. So even though I am not a huge McDonald's fan, I decided to give her a special treat this time.

When we got in the van I told her I had a surprise for her but she had to wait until we got there to find out what it is. She was so excited the whole way. I kept thinking, "Oh yeah, number one Aunt, right here in the driver's seat. She's gonna love this."

As I start to pull in the parking lot (while preparing for uncontrollable praise along with giggles and smiles lasting the rest of the day) I look in my rear view mirror only to see a small child with a confused, not so well pleased look on her face. I ask her if she knows where we are and if she's excited and to my surprise her answer was (in a whiney, ungrateful tone),

"I wanted to go to Chucky Cheese."

Now clearly she should have been happy with her special surprise (and after we got inside she was), but looking at it in a different light, she totally had the right attitude & mindset.

In his book, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis writes this...

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Again, Alaina had high hopes. Her desires were strong and she was not putting me in a box by thinking I would not give her the very best, as often we do with Christ. If we think about putting anybody in a box God should be last on the list...or even not on the list at all! After all, is He not perfect? Did He not create YOU and the entire WORLD in which you live? Did he not create your very best friend? Did He not give you all that you do not deserve and more? He is a good God, while we are tiny, uneducated humans who don't give Him credit by imagining He really could give us the very best.

As I try to dream bigger than this world, I hope you join me. And together we can experience the things of this world that only take place on a holiday at the sea.

I Am Only A Child

Sweet face: true
I love her: true
She reminds me of myself when I was little: true
She never has mischievous moments: FALSE

Meet my niece, Addie.
Addie really likes to draw.
She is really good at it too.
I am impressed with the way this four year old stays inside the lines.

Now that I am done raving I do have to admit that sometimes she is so ready to color she doesn't even wait to have a piece of paper in front of her and instead draws on whatever she feels.
Yeah, she doesn't always think things through.

It was probably a couple of months ago when I came into the living room only to find a four year old eying the t.v. and running a pencil across the cream colored carpet floor at the same time. Trust me, some serious "time out" action was taken quickly. Drawing on things that are not paper is something we usually frown upon in this household. But it didn't stop there. It was a struggle to actually get her in time out. Yes, if you can believe it there was resistance on her part, lots of tears, and very loud noises coming from her tiny body.

Although she was not okay with me sending her to time out, it was something that had to be done. I'm sure she thought I was a horrible person for punishing her. Her mind is just too little to understand the importance, and that I am really doing so because I love her and want her to grow into the best person she can be.

When her time out was finished I called her over and asked her why she drew on the carpet.

"Because I didn't have any paper."

Wow, that was the answer?
She didn't have any paper?
We did have paper, it was just in the drawer!
How easy could this whole situation have been avoided if she only would have asked me if she could have a piece of paper to begin with?
I would have given her the paper and she would have been set. Instead, she decided to handle it on her own, resulting in punishment, a lesson (hopefully) learned, tears, and messed up carpet.

I think about this and it's so simple.
Just ask.
That's all.
Simple...right?

You would think so, but so often do I find myself as the child in this situation.
I forget that all I really need to do is ask.

God's Word tells us this...

"Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7

Still, a lot of the time I seem to go about it the same way Addie went about the paper situation. I see there is a problem, something unknown, something missing, and I try to fix it on my own. I may think it would take too much time to ask my Father, or maybe I just forget that I can ask or that He loves me so much and wants me to turn out the best I can, therefore He will answer me. I think my mind is too small to understand what He knows and why He does things the way He does. After the fact there may be punishment, a lesson (again, hopefully) learned, tears, and a mess left to clean up, all because I chose to take matters into my own hands.

I say it again, I am still only a child.
I pray to God for Him to work in me and for me to rely on Him more and more before there is once again, a "mess on the carpet" needing to be cleaned up.


Hakuna Matata

The Second Letter

Dear Sarah,

Have you lost interest in me?
Am I not fun anymore?
Have you moved on to better things?
Was it something I said?

These questions often run through my mind.

As I write, remember this...you are my daughter, one that is dearly loved, and one who will be loved until the end. But do you realize the pain my heart goes through? Do you think about how many tears I have lost? Do you know the hope I give myself every time you make a promise, and the weight in my chest every time you don't come through? I apologize for the anger I sometimes have, though you wouldn't know, you're never around to see it.

I know you love me, at least these are your words I hear. Don't think I don't believe you, I do, I just can feel it more times than others. It's almost like a high, when we're together you're so into me, and it's almost hard to believe you have broken my heart so many times and will do so again so soon...but it happens. We separate, you find interest in other things, they take up your time, and before you know it the day is gone with not a single word spoken in my direction. Don't get me wrong now, I know you have things going on in your life. You have school, work, other friends, important things that need attention. I totally understand that. I am not asking for you to not study, stay up so late talking with me that you miss work the next day, or disregard your other friends. I just ask that you think of me, or at least, at the very least, keep your word.

Now you know I have never let you down in the past, and I never will do so in the future, even though sometimes it may seem like it because you are human and my ways are sometimes too great for your mind to wrap around. Yet still you hurt me in ways we both wish never were, and that grieves me. I know it hurts you too, but still, do you know I am right beside you, crying along with you, wait for you to call my name so we can cry together? To think that someone I love so dearly would give me pain makes me sad, it makes me cry, but it does not make me love you any less. I am waiting here and when you apologize for those times I will be overjoyed to forgive you and take you back.

My heart misses yours, and I am once again hopeful that they will meet soon. Until then, you are on my mind...

With love that never ends,
Your Heavenly Father

The First Letter

Dear Friend,

Have you lost interest in me?
Am I not fun anymore?
Have you moved on to better things?
Was it something I said?

These questions often run through my mind.

As I write, remember this...you are my friend, one that is dearly loved, and one who will be loved until the end. But do you realize the pain my heart goes through? Do you think about how many tears I have lost? Do you know the hope I give myself every time you make a promise, and the weight in my chest every time you don't come through? I apologize for the anger I sometimes have, though you wouldn't know, you're never around to see it.

I know you love me, at least these are your words I hear. Don't think I don't believe you, I do, I just can feel it more times than others. It's almost like a high, when we're together you're so into me, and it's almost hard to believe you have broken my heart so many times and will do so again so soon...but it happens. We separate, you find interest in other things, they take up your time, and before you know it the day is gone with not a single word spoken in my direction.

Don't get me wrong now, I know you have things going on in your life. You have school, work, other friends, important things that need attention. I totally understand that. I am not asking for you to not study, stay up so late talking with me that you miss work the next day, or disregard your other friends. I just ask that you think of me, or at least, at the very least, keep your word.

I am not saying I have never let you down in the past, or that I will never do so again, because I am human and I too fall short. I have hurt you in ways that I wish I could take back, and for the fact that I cannot, I grieve. To think that I have given pain to someone I love so dearly, it makes me sad, it makes me cry, it makes not like myself. I apologize now for those times & I pray that never again would you feel that pain, or the pain I have been given tonight.

My heart misses yours, and I am once again hopeful that they will meet soon. Until then, you are on my mind...

With love that never ends,
Your Dearest Friend

Surrender [Part Two]

"I want to have a life of surrender for the rest of my earthy days."

"Surrender to God - we are not defeated, but sin is the one defeated, eternal separation from God is defeated, death has lost, a life of hopelessness, despair, and purposelessness is defeated."

"Freedom is born in surrender - we are free from the bondage of sin and death."

"I pray for surrender, for Your will and less of my desires."

"Self-denial."

"Submission."

"Surrender."

I was looking through my journal from last year when I was preparing for Kenya & found these words in which you have read above. Looking back, I laugh.

I had NO idea what I was getting into, nor did I take it seriously at that point in time. I remember trying to surrender before I left. I really tried. It was something I felt pressing on my heart, but was an infant when it came to the depth of it all.

That is where Jesus comes in.

I have no clue, but felt the need to continue praying for it, and you know what, Jesus answered my prayers in ways I never could have imagined & ways I never would have wanted. Though things have changed (praise God), I am thankful to my Father in Heaven for working in and through me. Now I truly can say,

"Father, I have surrendered so much of my flesh, so much of this world, and I am continually asking for help to surrender more. I praise Your Holy name because it is now that I can truthfully say,

you are enough for me."

I have realized that living a life of my own decisions, my own desires, my own dreams, is a life not worth living at all. The plans I now dream of are ones that my Father has lead me to. God is leading me somewhere with this whole surrender thing, and I am so blessed and grateful to be in such a position.

While in Kenya, a dearly respected woman I met told me you know you're on the right track when you can say,

"I'd rather drown with Christ than jump into another's boat."

mmmm...those words are wonderful to revisit.

Basically that's saying that even if it seems like following Christ would only hurt us and serve no good, we follow after Him anyways because our love for Him exceeds our understanding or worldly desires.

I love you Jesus. Keep taking my life.



Hakuna Matata

Surrender [Part One]

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust him
In his presence daily live

I surrender all, I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Savior
I surrender all

All to Jesus I surrender
At thy feet I humble bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me, Jesus, Take me now

All to Jesus I surrender
Lord, I give myself to thee
Fill me with thy love and power
Let thy blessing fall on me



Hakuna Matata

Look Up, Look Around

I spent some time the other day at a wooded trail with my friend Katie. We sat down in an open area by a big tree after walking for a while. There we took out our Bibles and journals and spent some time with God. Below is a passage from my journal that day...

It is so beautiful here, God. I love it. Thank you for such a wonderful gift to such undeserving people. We walked around for a bit, loved it, and now we are sitting by a big tree, on a log, having God time. When I look in front of me it is so pretty. I see a cute little path with green grass and tall tress on either side of it. Past that I can see the beginning of a bridge leading to the other side of the water. Above is the beautiful sky, so blue, with just a few soft clouds. The sun is shining down and I can't help but feel happy when I look ahead. Sounds wonderful, peaceful, happy, and great doesn't it? Yes, it does. And then I look beside me, where a foot away is the huge tree we are sitting under. Right now I am so close that I can see it's grooves, where people have carved in it, spider webs, dirt and dead leaves around it. In my mind it would seem most pleasant if I were to get up and walk away from this big tree. But then I take my eyes, and move them up the tree. When this happens, my mind is no longer focusing on the dirty, not so appealing parts of the tree anymore. But rather, on the huge and awesomeness of the tree. How my eyes can hardly wrap around it and I love that. How it continues to go up in greatness, beauty, and awe. I tip my head back and through the branches see the blue of the sky, which before I could only see while looking in front of me. The rays from the sun make me squint and smile and though it's hard to look at I find myself not wanting to look away. I have now realized that where I am at is indeed beautiful. And maybe instead of just looking directly at the bark in front of me (not finding myself so fond), I need to look up, look around, and try to take it all in because I truly am in a beautiful place right now. I only needed to look at the whole picture. I thank you God for helping me to realize that I really am in a great place right now. I need to take it in and enjoy it, not only focusing on the place I will end up next, because there too, I will see the grooves, dirt, and spider webs on the trees, and instead of enjoying being there, will only be looking ahead to the next location I will be coming to, never enjoying the here and now that is beautiful through Your eyes.

Hakuna Matata

Are You Ready?

"Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led, but loving and knowing the One who is leading."

This was a quote from March 19th from the devotion, My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers.

It is so relevant to me right now because I really have no idea where even my next step is. I am really trying to not worry about it and to put my all into where God has me now because if I only ever worry about what's next, when it comes, I won't enjoy it or get all that I could from it due to the fact that I am too busy focusing on the next thing.

ANYWAYS, God has really just been telling me that it is when I am close to Him that I will find where He wants me next. Even then, it may not be a walk in the park, but it will not be full of unnecessary stressing and worrying, not if I am truly and fully trusting in Him and focusing on Him.

This is almost like a post I am writing to myself to remind me to STOP trying to plan it all out, STOP trying to make it all work, STOP all of your pointless worrying and uneasiness. For it is when we draw near to Him, that He will draw near to us (James 4:8). To me those words make it seem so simple. Shouldn't it be simple? Draw near to Him and He will do the same...yeah, that shouldn't be too hard right? Well why don't you give it a shot?...try it out. I mean really try it out. Not just, "Hey God, be near to me. Amen." But with your whole heart, call to Him (Jeremiah 33:3), tell Him what you are feeling and going through, tell Him what's up. Get to know Him, really finding out who this God is, and I can't imagine you not coming to love Him.

And like the quote read in the beginning, this will strike up faith, because faith is rooted in the knowledge of a person.

And you can bet your bottom dollar that I am taking my own advice! =)
I am ready for Him to be near.
Are you?



Hakuna Matata

A Question From God

"Sarah,

Am I enough for you?

-God"

Sadly, this question is sometimes difficult to answer. At times my flesh thinks I need more. Those are the times that I need to really cling to Jesus Christ. Because he is enough for me. He is more than enough for me. And it truly is the best when I come to the point where I really can answer, "Yes."




Hakuna Matata

Are You Ready to Order?

"And what could I get for you today Ma'am?"

"Um...let's see. I will take one nice, big, juicy slice of Jesus, please."

"Oh, I'm sorry Miss, but Jesus doesn't come in slices here. So it's going to have to be all or nothing."

"Oh really? I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah, a lot of people are surprised when I say that."

"I know I was. This makes it a tough decision now."

"Well, just let me know when you are ready to order, I'll be here."



Are you ready to place your order
with Jesus?
Because He's waiting for you...all, or nothing, what's it going to be?

Matthew 16:24
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"

Who Am I?

This post is almost an argument against why to go without Bible training. Why to pick up, leave everything & everyone you know, love, and are accustomed to, and go to the ends of the earth for our dear Savior. When reading this I ask you to remember that this is not for everyone, as I will state, this is more specific to myself, and maybe a select few, rather than the wide range of missionaries out there. And even as I say this is more directed to myself, that does not mean my decision is made, this is what is going to happen, it's just, God is making me think, and that is always a good thing.

[Why go, without Bible training?]

While I do believe Bible training is good & would help a person in not only their future missions, but also in their walk with Christ, I have to ask myself some questions directed at me specifically because I have felt a tug on my heart about this subject. Who am I to gain more knowledge of the God I already know and have a relationship with, so that I can have a better understanding of His Word? Who am I to put my level of knowledge and achievement above those perishing without the hope of eternal life, those living in vein, or even more specifically to my calling, those trapped living in slavery? Who am I to say to the child sex slaves and soldiers, "Just hold on, in a couple of years, I will have an understanding of the Bible that will blow you away! You will literally want to thank me for making you wait 3-5 years while you are hurting, being tortured, broken, and looked down upon as either garbage or someone else's property? And really, our understanding of the Bible is something that, I believe, will never cease to grow, so why should I focus and dwell on just how much I know of God's Word, when there is always more knowledge and insight to obtain? And, who am I, to be living this self filled life until I am "fully prepared" to "go into all the world," as my Lord has commanded me to (Mark 16:15)? And seriously, what does fully prepared even mean? Am I really ever going to be "fully prepared"? Then what am I waiting for? Did He not say, "Go"? I believe that was His word. Not, "Wait, let the children suffer a bit longer while you sit in an air conditioned classroom, sipping coffee, and studying my Word so you may offer them a bit more. Then, and only then, is your time to go." No, but I also believe the word, "go," to hold a different time, place, and people group for everyone. I believe that for some it means, "Go to Bible school, then to said location." And others, "Go. Become a doctor, and then to the slums of the earth to help the least of these." And quite possibly, for myself, "Go. Go now, to the dying, suffering, sinning world, who is perishing without the hope of one day meeting their Creator, and without the love that only I can give to a broken child."

I also believe Christ to the be greatest teacher of all. So why then must I spend time and money being taught by people of the earth? Why can I not trust in my Savior to teach me all I will ever need to know? Now, I am not putting teachers down, for perhaps this is God's will for their life; their mission work. And for those who do go to school before leaving to a new mission field, these teachers are much needed and appreciated. But remember, I am asking these questions not of other Christians, but of myself due to the tug on my heart that I believe was placed there by God. So again, why can I not trust in my Savior to teach me all I will ever need to know? Why must I rely on Bible schools and discipleship trainings to help me gain a level of understanding in which would "best" help me to be Jesus to the world? I believe that if I give and devote myself to Him like I should, putting in time, effort, and heart, He can teach the same, or even more to me than any Bible school ever could.

Ultimately, I believe that God has a plan for each one of us, for each one of His children. And I believe each of our paths to be different. If we all did the same thing, all followed the same road, it would be then, that the work of missions, might start to tremble, and maybe fall. For how can I go, if the missionary made to send me, has left due to following his or her own plans and desires? And how can the sender do his or her own job, when the missionary meant to go, because of comfort, has instead decided to stay? I believe God to have a specific plan for all of us...senders, goers, doctors, teachers, and everyone in between. Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." And I also believe that whatever the calling in our lives, in my life specifically, is one the would be a mistake not to answer, no matter the cost, what we must give up, or leave behind. If in fact, God is calling me to go, and to allow Him to be my only teacher, then I must obey Him.

I believe, I would be a fool not to.

Good News

Let me ask you some questions...

When something exciting happens to you, you want to share that with others right?

Let's say you get engaged, pregnant, land a sweet job, win a trip to Europe, buy a new car, graduate college and so on. When this stuff happens, it's good news right?...and what do we do?...do we keep it to ourselves? Do we think nobody else would care about it? Do we think the people around us would look at us in disgust & choose to never speak to us again?

No. Not at all. And I guess the ones who would respond in a negative way probably have some inner battle going on, or maybe they really are jealous of what you have. But again, what do we do when this "good" stuff happens to us? We tell people. We share this news with everyone we meet on the street and in the grocery store. We make special phone calls and emails to those who have yet to hear.

But let's think about it for a sec. The things above are good things to happen to a person right? Of course! And it's going to be even better when we enter into the Kingdom of Heaven in our new sports car, flashing our diamond engagement ring, and having Moses, Paul, and Mary go "ga-ga" over all that we have acclaimed on this earth.

Okay, so obviously I was being sarcastic right there. The point is, it's NOT going to matter. Yes, it's true, those all are good, fun things to have. And to the person who just got a job promotion, congratulations, to the family who just bought a new house, I'm happy for you. These are not necessarily "bad" things, but my question is why do they seem to surpass the Good News of Jesus Christ, Lover of our souls, the One who SAVED us? The Good News that God has written down so that we can study, learn, know, & do as Christ would. So we know of His great love for us who are sinners.

The Word of God truly is the Good News.

I would like to challenge you all and myself to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ as if it were the worldly "good news" we share on a daily basis. Because really, this Good News is GOOD! And it is something that will last. It is, He is, everlasting.




Hakuna Matata

It's Like Pulling Teeth

This is another post I wrote while in Kenya...

It's so hard to believe that we only have one more communication day after this..time is just flying. I am enjoying myself and the things God is teaching me so much and can't wait to bring them back to the states.

So on Wednesdays we usually work at the hospital, but yesterday I got to do something new, I got to work in the dental clinic. I have been interested in dental work for quite a few years, but have done nothing about it and had not expected to. For some reason thought I asked about their clinic and was able to work with them yesterday. Oh my goodness, I totally want to be working in a dental clinic someday. It was so much fun! I got to help clean and polish some guy's teeth, and I watched a tooth extraction. It was crazy. The girl I worked with (Naomi) introduced me as her assistant, Sarah. =) How fun! While Naomi was working to get that tooth out I kept thinking to myself, dang that much HURT! But then I kept reminding myself that the lady was numb on that side of her mouth. Something was there at the specific time to protect her from the pain she could be dealing with. Of course she still felt a small bit of pain, and she probably can feel it today, there is clearly a gap where her old tooth was and because of that gap she will always remember there was a tooth there and remember the pain she faced to get it out, but it doesn't hurt like it use to. It was something in her mouth that was bothering her and taking focus off of other things and if she would have done nothing about it, it would have only gotten worse, but now it was out and things are going to be fine. Thinking about all of that really just realates it to the Christian life. Sometimes we have things in our lives that can take our focus off of God, sometimes they are things that hurt pretty bad. Maybe we try to just deal with it and let it be, but truth be told, if we just leave it there it's only going to worse. But if we call on God to be our novocaine, to help us through things in our lives, He is going to help numb the pain. And not numb it in a way where we won't have to deal with it, but in a way where we can deal with it and get through the pain because God has made it less. We will still have the 'gap' when it's over, and we will not forget what happened, but I believe that's a good thing. I believe it's good to not forget, to move on, but know where we came from and what has shaped us in our past...what has made us who we are today. All in all, if we let God be our novocaine, things will work out, and pulling teeth won't be as excruciating as we all make it sound.



Hakuna Matata