I Call to You [Part 2]

The main thought I had in my mind last night never came out when I wrote my post, but I decided to role with it and now I think I'll continue on...

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?"  Luke 6:46

When reading this verse last night, I was brought back to earlier verses in Luke chapter 6.  Verses that made me cry, "Woe is me," and desire for this life of pleasing flesh to die a death that will never return. 

Luke 6:27-36
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who abuse you.  To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.  Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods, do not demand them back.  And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. 
If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Wow.  Major fail on my part for sure.  Thank the Lord for His grace.  Why would I ever think it's okay to cry out to my God like I meant it, and then go back just a few verses and actually confess a heart of falsehood before Him, all the while thinking nothing is wrong with that pattern of living?  That's not living in the slightest!  That's being dead, dead to Christ.  Totally opposing what the Bible tells us all over the place.  Galatians 2:10, "now that I'm dead, I am alive (in Christ)."

Even starting in verse 27 where it says to "love your enemies,"  am I even doing that?  I guess I always thought I didn't have that much of a difficult time with loving my enemies, for one reason I never have found myself to have very many enemies in the first place, and for two, thinking upon it a little deeper, it's probably because I never even think about my enemies because when I do I become bitter and angry, showing my heart of flesh instead of the new heart given by Christ, a heart that can be cultivated into seeing others, even my so called "enemies" the way that Christ sees them...as His children whom He longs for a relationship with.

Thinking about it and reading on even more, I have so much to work on.  Thankfully that is why Christ came, He came to redeem me so that glory may be given to it's rightful Owner.  In Him strength can be found to love my enemies with a true heart, pray for my abusers as I pray for those closest to me, be thankful for all He has given me and ready to give it away in an instant without a grudging heart.  I want to love.  I want to love with His chesed (heh' said) love, the same love that captured my heart, a love so true it never turns, it is committed in all circumstances, this love will never leave and is willing to forgive even the darkest of sin.  I want that.  I have received God's chesed love as a free gift in my life, it would only be selfish and childish to horde that love He so freely gave to me.  If I am loving with anything less than my whole being, what is my worth? 1 Corinthians 13


Hakuna Matata

I Am Tired

Things have been hard lately, I'll be honest.  I am not sure I ever mentioned that this month (all of November) the main teacher is taking her holiday leave and I am stepping up as the teacher.  At first I was like, "What the heck are you doing?"  Then I was a little more okay with it, thankful that I had taken a teacher training course my senior year of high school and taught at numerous schools in Kenya.  Then the night before I felt physically sick and cried as I feel asleep.  Did I forget to mention that I am not the biggest fan of teaching?  Well then, let that be noted. =)

The first week actually went pretty well other than the fact that I was spread real thin...trying to run a school, business, and baby sit at the same time is quite the challenge.  But I made it only because Jesus was being the strength I needed.

I thought for sure that while the volunteers were here this second week it would give me a break and I could relax a little...but I was wrong.  The team is great, helping out so so much, I am just loving it.  But for some reason I am feeling more stressed and crying more tears with each passing day.  I have felt cut down, belittled, and have been told I don't seem to relate well with the girls (all from someone I have only seen a handful of times).  I keep telling Jesus I can't do it, and then I thank Him for not expecting me to, but for doing it through me.

I don't want this to be a complainy post, but I want to share my heart a little and not just pretend everything is 100% great all the time here.  Also, I know that great things can happen through prayer and it's always great to know what to pray for more specifically.

I remember talking to another missionary a little while ago about blogging.  We both said how it's kind of funny/annoying when we post stuff about the real life being upsetting or whatever because it's not 100% of the time that we feel that way, but the people reading it tend to think that's the case.  I want you to know that it is not the case here.  Jesus has blessed me in many many ways here.  Although I have felt put down this week, the volunteers have been more than wonderful at lifting me up and encouraging me onward, as well as some of the staff and some other long term volunteers.  And I have had such a blast hanging out with the volunteers this week!  It has been some great, "get away," time.  So again, I may be having a rough night and hit some tough times today, but that hasn't been the case all day so no need to get your panties all in a bunch on my behalf. =)

All this to say, I am thankful (day 10) for the promises given by Jesus.  Promises stating that He has overcome the world (John 16:33), He is with me always (Matthew 28:20), He looks at my heart (1 Samuel 16:7), and so much more.  Thank you, Jesus.  Continue to remind me!

How Did This Happen?

Somehow it happened.  I don't know how, but I definitely did not plan for this.  Somehow I missed it and will now be staying the night in an Indian airport. 

What the junk?!

How does someone miss that?  Maybe the fact that I had been looking at 12,000 different flights to Bangalore for the first week of September had something to do with my overlooking layover times for the flight I actually purchased.  Either way, I have come to the conclusion that I really can't do anything about it, so worrying is pointless (isn't it anyways?...not to mention a sin). 

Freaking out to my brother about it a little was the beginning of my calm, "it is what it is" attitude I now have.  He reminded me that Indians are smart and have to have a technologically advanced (or right on) airport. =)  Go Indians!  Then I remembered the airport in Nairobi and how I would feel totally safe and worry free staying the night there.  If Kenya's airport was stable enough for my liking India's for sure must be suitable.  I also realized that the airport I will be staying is the largest one in South Asia and in the capital city of India.  My thoughts and fears of a scary, small, leaky, unstable, dark airport left after I found out that information...really a little dramatic in the first place. 

Honestly though, the thing that most calmed my thought and slight fears was the fact that I will not be staying the night in that airport by myself, but my Father will be there with me.  He has planned this whole thing and I know He has not planned it only to leave me alone, scared in an airport.

How cool is it that He led me to this whole India thing, being with me every step.  He was there with me last night as I cooled down from freakin' out about staying overnight in the airport.  And He will be with me that night in September as I do stay the night in the Indian airport.

I thank Him and seriously do not know how people can live without Him.  He is my strength, my bravery, comfort, and so much more. 

"...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Matthew 28:20

Are You Ready to Order?

"And what could I get for you today Ma'am?"

"Um...let's see. I will take one nice, big, juicy slice of Jesus, please."

"Oh, I'm sorry Miss, but Jesus doesn't come in slices here. So it's going to have to be all or nothing."

"Oh really? I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah, a lot of people are surprised when I say that."

"I know I was. This makes it a tough decision now."

"Well, just let me know when you are ready to order, I'll be here."



Are you ready to place your order
with Jesus?
Because He's waiting for you...all, or nothing, what's it going to be?

Matthew 16:24
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"