God is Bigger Than July

This month has been hard.  I am beginning to feel weak and unable.  I guess that's the truth though, isn't it?  I am weak and unable, and that's what's so great about Christ, He's my strength, He's is able.

...multiple deaths, some of which may very well have the result of eternal suffering

...fear

...feelings of not being understood

...feelings of being taken advantage of

...people stealing, more than once

...break ins

...the world.  This troublesome world that has me struggling to survive.

Ahh but His promises, John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

My God is bigger, He is bigger than July, He is bigger than this world.  I begged Him to restore this month, to make it new, but then He spoke softly, "I'm much bigger."

He didn't come to restore July or my life alone.  He came to restore once and for all each one of His children, not for July, but for eternity.

This past month I have been broken again and again and I praise my God that He is the One breaking me and He isn't doing it to hurt me but to grow me and to prepare me so I will one day be more ready than I am now for the work He has set before me since before the foundation of the universe.  And not only is He breaking me, but He's picking up my pieces and making me into His beautiful creation and by His grace, I am beginning to see that creation, and I am loving that creation.
 

















Hakuna Matata

My Plan

God's plan was for me to come to India in September to work with rescued girls through Freedom Firm.  All of the details of that first sentence were made very clear to me before I had taken off. 

My plan was to stay for six months, but the more I have come before the Lord the more clear He has made it that His plans were different.  Two nights ago I changed my plane ticket and I now will be leaving India at the end of December (just about two months earlier than the original date).  This decision has taken a lot of prayer, thought, and advice seeking, but I have come to the point where I can honestly say I have heard His voice, and as far as I'm concerned He is calling me home. 

It's been crazy, I feel like I was born to live overseas.  Throughout my missions career I have never felt homesick, but have strongly felt a desire to settle in the land so my relationships and ministry could take on a deeper level.  This decision is conflicting in the fact that it is difficult and easy at the same time.  I find it difficult when I think of the judgment of man and how I think it will actually be harder to leave early than it would be to stay (for many reasons).  But I find it so simple when I think about what I want my life to be used for (glorifying God) and who I am striving to seek and obey in this life (Jesus), no matter how difficult it may be. 

I think of the story of Abraham in Genesis 22 when God asked Him to sacrifice His only son, Isaac.  The next sentence after God tells Abraham to go to the place of sacrifice simply says this, "Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey."  That is the kind of trust in God I want.  I want Him to be able to tell me something, whether it is, "sacrifice your son," or "go home," and as soon as I hear his voice I want to "load up my donkey early in the morning," with no doubt in His guidance.

There are times I feel as if I could stay and it would be fine, I mean surely God would bless my time here right?  I actually do believe that He would bless my time in India if I stayed the full six months, but to me that isn't the issue anymore.  The issue is God told me to go home, and I want to respond to Him the best I can.  I think of John 10:4 where it says, "...his sheep follow him because they know his voice."  Again, I have heard His voice and I cannot deny what I know to be true in my heart.

Of course this doesn't all make sense.  Why would God want me to go away from the mission field?  Away from a place where so much help is needed?  First I have to remember that wherever I am placed is my mission field, India, Michigan, and anywhere inbetween, I am a missionary.  Second I think of Isaiah's words in chapter 55 verses 8 & 9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  This may be something I will never grow to understand, and I am okay with that just as long as I do understand that God is above me and He has my best interest in mind...even if I can't seem to understand it myself.

My plan now is to obey God, and as far as I am concerned in my heart and my mind, that is exactly what I am doing by flying home in December. 


Hakuna Matata

I Am Tired

Things have been hard lately, I'll be honest.  I am not sure I ever mentioned that this month (all of November) the main teacher is taking her holiday leave and I am stepping up as the teacher.  At first I was like, "What the heck are you doing?"  Then I was a little more okay with it, thankful that I had taken a teacher training course my senior year of high school and taught at numerous schools in Kenya.  Then the night before I felt physically sick and cried as I feel asleep.  Did I forget to mention that I am not the biggest fan of teaching?  Well then, let that be noted. =)

The first week actually went pretty well other than the fact that I was spread real thin...trying to run a school, business, and baby sit at the same time is quite the challenge.  But I made it only because Jesus was being the strength I needed.

I thought for sure that while the volunteers were here this second week it would give me a break and I could relax a little...but I was wrong.  The team is great, helping out so so much, I am just loving it.  But for some reason I am feeling more stressed and crying more tears with each passing day.  I have felt cut down, belittled, and have been told I don't seem to relate well with the girls (all from someone I have only seen a handful of times).  I keep telling Jesus I can't do it, and then I thank Him for not expecting me to, but for doing it through me.

I don't want this to be a complainy post, but I want to share my heart a little and not just pretend everything is 100% great all the time here.  Also, I know that great things can happen through prayer and it's always great to know what to pray for more specifically.

I remember talking to another missionary a little while ago about blogging.  We both said how it's kind of funny/annoying when we post stuff about the real life being upsetting or whatever because it's not 100% of the time that we feel that way, but the people reading it tend to think that's the case.  I want you to know that it is not the case here.  Jesus has blessed me in many many ways here.  Although I have felt put down this week, the volunteers have been more than wonderful at lifting me up and encouraging me onward, as well as some of the staff and some other long term volunteers.  And I have had such a blast hanging out with the volunteers this week!  It has been some great, "get away," time.  So again, I may be having a rough night and hit some tough times today, but that hasn't been the case all day so no need to get your panties all in a bunch on my behalf. =)

All this to say, I am thankful (day 10) for the promises given by Jesus.  Promises stating that He has overcome the world (John 16:33), He is with me always (Matthew 28:20), He looks at my heart (1 Samuel 16:7), and so much more.  Thank you, Jesus.  Continue to remind me!

Where In the World Am I Going?

Yes it is true!
This fall I am heading out once again, only this time I am going a bit farther...about 10 hours more by plane, to INDIA!!

I will be leaving sometime in the beginning of September, staying for six months, and working with the organization, Freedom Firm (FF).

FF seeks to eliminate child prostitution in India by rescuing minor girls, providing effective rehabilitation, and prosecuting the perpetrators of sex trafficking.

While in India my job will be to be friends with the girls in the aftercare program, love them, model Jesus, and help them with their bead making business.

I am extremely excited and extremely nervous, and even though I have feelings of, "What the heck am I doing?", I am confident in Jesus' guidance. I have been trusting and waiting, and this is where God has lead me. No insecurities or fears are going to stop me from doing what my Lord has so clearly called me to do. I have never realized how important confirmation from God could be until now. Until my flesh and human mind have tried to tell me this is too extreme, too different, too unpleasing to my parents. I thank my Father in Heaven for overcoming my flesh and mind, for overcoming this world and the things that are in it.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

I thank you for your love for me, oh Lord. I love you and will try with my heart, soul, mind, and strength to do so more each day.

Hakuna Matata