Oh Flesh

It's one of those moments.

I'm not really sure I know how to describe, but I do know that I am not a fan of these types of moments.

Am I excited for India?

Yes

Does it freak me out (in a good way) that I leave next month?

Yes

Do I think about this trip constantly (even when I'm not talking about it)?

Yes

Am I sad today about leaving?

Yes 

I know it is normal to feel sad about leaving but that doesn't mean I enjoy it.  

I'm sure a lot of it is just the unknown.  I don't know anyone there, I don't know what it's like, what my day will quite look like, or even what kind of food I will be eating.  I actually know this is a big part of it.  If I were to be going back to Kenya I would not be feeling like this (at least not as much) because I know what to expect.  I know people there, I know what it's like, what my day would look like (for the most part), and I would be extremely excited to get another taste of their yummy food. 

I know that's not all of it though.  I think the rest is selfishness (probably the first part could be considered selfish as well).  I think of the fact that the world will still be turning while I am gone.  My mom and dad will continue to have dinner each night, Christmas will still happen, friends will be engaged in school work, relationships, and life, my nieces and nephews will not wait for my return to grow, and the earth will not even know I am gone as it changes to colorful leaves, blankets of snow, buds of new life, and back to the never ending days of summer.  

I clearly understand that life will still happen but it's these small moments of sadness that hit me every now and again that bring me down.  I think of people I will miss, and my heart feels pressure as I miss them even now, even while I have a month until I leave.

Is it selfish that I want them to miss me like I miss them?

Oh flesh, please let me overcome you!

As I am writing right now, God is here.  

And as I am writing right now, God is in India.

As I sit in sadness,  God is comforting me.

As I sit in sadness, God is comforting the girls I will be working with next month.

 This is what I love about Him.

I love that I am sad right now, but can feel the sadness exiting myself as I write.  I love that it's not me, but that it's so clear that it's God.  

I realize that I will continue to have sad moments before I leave, and most likely way more while in India, but I also remember that God has called me to this and He loves me.  He seeks me out.  He guides me.  I remember all of His confirmation for India.  Most of all, I know that He has a plan for me, is always with me, and will never leave nor forsake me.